I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
