I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
