i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
