and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I would fuck him just for his dog
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