I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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