so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Your penis caused this!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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