As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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