What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
