Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
