i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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