I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
