trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
