You made me cry and you don't even care
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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