Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Randomize
