VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
