Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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