I got chris browned last night
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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