after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
