Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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