you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
