Soap is not a condiment
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
