I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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