I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
