Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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