Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
