eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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