i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
