There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
