Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
