I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
