Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
