I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
