dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
