o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
