either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
