Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
