You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
