highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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