Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
