Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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