So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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