Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Randomize
