i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
