I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
