I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
