So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Also, beer. Big fan.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
