My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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