She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
