oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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