i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
