You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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