Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
